We'll be just fine.

It all started when my brother made an exclamation remark while travelling in the car with my mother and me- “Oh Fish!” Surprised as I was to hear my little brother talking like that (he’s not that little), I kept my mouth shut owing to my mother’s presence.

The next morning over breakfast, somehow the conversation turned to the kind of language that people use these days. Mom and dad had a lot to say about it. (It’s going to sound familiar)

1.     The language you people use is disgusting.

2.     Really? If you don’t find it disgusting, then maybe you should exclaim “Oh Shit” next time in Hindi.

3.     You think using such language is a way of standing out.

4.     You think using such language, you can easily fit in with the rest of the people who use such language. (Yes, she actually made both these statements with a short gap)

5.     I think the way your language is progressing, it’s just going to get worse with time.

6.     You shouldn’t try fitting into the herd mentality.

7.     I’m not saying it to you, I’m talking about the entire generation.

And of course, no conversation with any parent can ever stay bound to one topic no matter what the origination may have been. (Not a part of the above conversation, but something I think all of us face on an everyday basis.)

8. You people think you are invincible.

9. Why do you drive that way? Do you think driving that fast is cool?

10.  Why do you want to start a company or get into social work? Why don’t you just get a regular job like other people? (I read this as herd)

11.  I don’t understand your generation. You guys (oops! my mistake! You people... most parents would ever use "guys") have an attitude problem!

12.  Let me talk to so-and-so uncle and get you a job.

13.  Why don’t you want me to get you a job? Why are you so against getting help from your own parents? (The reality is, they became self sustained paying their own tuitions and books etc in their first year of college).

14.  Oho! Bohot bade/badi ho gayi ho na? Sab kuchh aata hai tumhe ab to?

15.  Tumhe zyada pata hai?

16.  Ye baal aise hi safed nahi kiye hain humne!

17.  Pachaas saal ki duniya dekhi hai, tumse zyada jaante hain. (No offence, even though they may have been working in the same office, at the same position for 40 years now.)

18.  Etc etc etc….. (Feel free to add more commonly heard statements in the comments)

The point is, life has changed a lot in the past 25-30 years since they were 20-22 year olds. Options have increased. Opportunities have increased. Job availabilities have decreased. And believe it or not mom and dad and uncle and aunt and grandfather and grandmother and the whole wide spectrum of family and friends of family who are always ready to molly-coddle and worry about us to death, we are actually capable of taking care of ourselves!

We took care of ourselves when we were being bullied in school. We took care of ourselves all day long when we were alone at home and everyone was off to work. We took care of ourselves when we had to travel all around the city for the hundred thousand tuitions that we had to take for the gamble of getting into a good college. We took care of ourselves for 3/4/5/6 years in the hostel. Yeah, okay we may have gotten a few bad habits, and some of us got a tattoo and a couple of unconventional piercings, and maybe we didn’t bathe for a couple of weeks sometimes and maybe the room was in a complete mess 24x7 (except for the times when you came to visit, when it took 5 minutes and everybody cleaned up your room and theirs), but hey, we got out great! At our age, you guys were raising us, but you don’t trust us enough to raise ourselves?

By the way, the internet that your keep cribbing about (that we never go offline and are hooked to our laptops and phones and our lives are meant to be doomed), that’s the reason why we’re still surviving. There’s a reason why the world is as advanced as it is today. It’s because everybody actually does know everything. And if we have to be in the race, we got to know everything too. That’s why we NEED Google! (If we weren’t online all the time, maybe in that case you could actually have worried about whether we could take care of ourselves.) Yes we're constantly texting, and we use more acronyms than actual words. (fyi, TRAI has made life living hell for us) And we stay online on facebook, gtalk and twitter all the time. (By the way, that's how we remind you of your friend's birthdays so you can wish them). That's how we know where everyone is and what everyone is doing. (You're the one who keeps complaining that you've lost touch with your school friends and that you have no idea where they are! Zuckerberg gave us an awesome opportunity so that we dont make the same mistake.)

The fact of the matter is that we are actually quite capable now. We’re all 21+ lads and ladies. Let us make our own careers. Let us make our own decisions. Trust us. Believe it or not, we have grown up. And you have to stop looking at us like a bunch of 12 year olds even if behave like that. (If we don’t drown enough chips and fizzy drinks at this age, we sure as hell won’t be able to do it at 50!)

We may goof up a couple of times, but give us a chance, and we’ll do well. It’s because you raised us just fine. And we love you for that!

A game... And my illusion of its reality. Part 2.

The dependency was temporarily complete… a momentary unstable state.

The puppeteer was always a puppeteer, momentarily addicted to the puppet.

The bond was opaque. Neither a wisp of air, nor something substantially solid.

The father, friend, philosopher, guide, mentor, counselor, brother, was always there…. Someone who fulfilled the roles and duties par excellence.

The exception is still an exception, no matter what it may show on the outside.

The puppet will wait for its master to come.

The sin may be committed, but it would take away with it the master and the puppet together.

The emotional consequences have been severe, but that does not mean the end of anything… the story shall continue and the golf ball… intact!

The puppet was not always a puppet. A long time back, the puppet was actually a little girl. A girl who used to stay in her dreams, lived in a fantasy of a castle and kingdom, believed it all to be the truth, lived in a world of illusion. Then one day, she met a person from the real world, someone who knew that the life was not a castle in a kingdom with rainbows and butterflies. Not everything, or rather nothing was as beautiful as it seemed in the first glance. The person saw what an illusion this little girl was in and knew that soon when she shall have to plunge out of that world into reality, she will not be able to withstand the shock. And so, he took pity on the little girl (Bless his soul), and promised himself that he would teach her the realities, pull her out of the illusion, so that she may live like a real person in the real world, taking care of herself, safely.

The harsh part came when the person from the real world realized that there was no pleasant method of doing what he was about to. It would be an un-natural act- To disrupt a normal flow of life and put it into something else. But at the same time, it was necessary. He tried his best not to let the situation fall out of control into the worst. But he could not stop it. The situation did eventually become the game of the puppet and the puppeteer.

My happy ending

I remember the times in school when I was surrounded by friends who had boyfriends. Pretty girls, girls with a lot of attitude, the kind whom boys would willing run after, the kinds who would get surprises, gifts, and a lot of affection.

Never was I the pretty one and I was most certainly never the delicate one. On the contrary, I would behave like a boy, athletic in my spirits and would use a very colorful language. Whatever was the case, I always did dream about having a 'boyfriend' who would be head over heels crazy about me. I guess I had fallen in love with the idea of being in a relationship instead of wanting the person to be in a relationship with.

I still see people around me like that, but fortunately, know the truth about their relationships now. It feels good to observe that I never made that mistake of falling into an amateur puppy love relationship long back. But it doesnt mean that I didnt make the mistakes that almost every girl does at that stage. In love with the idea of a relationship, I jumped at the first chance I got with a moron and finally made the mistake. Thankfully, that got over before I could lose myself over it. (A Superman rescued me. :P )

And then I grew. Immensely. I realize why was such a kid for so long. You need heat to melt and mold metal. You need the experience to mold you, and to grow up. A little on my own, and a little help from Mr. Superman, the experience, the sense and the practicality just came along on its own. Little did I know, that it was just another mistake. After all, Superman doesnt remain a superman forever. He does go back to becoming Clark Kent. And he does lose his powers. You cant be dependent on him. But loss of powers doesnt kill. And neither did it kill me.

But then again, Lois Lane didnt stop loving Superman when he lost his powers. Neither did I. No superpowers does mean that I have to think again, settle things, adjust to the new atmosphere. And it'll happen. A little bit of practicality. A little bit of experience. A little bit of wisdom. And a LOT of mistakes. It will become okay. It always does.

All Over Again

I’ve seen a lot of people falling in love and falling out of it. They would meet up only to gather their differences before drifting apart once again. The meaning of love seems to fade away into the distance. I always wondered what love actually ever was. I even thought once, that I knew it. But every time I have questioned myself; what is it? What builds it? And what is it that gives it existence???? How do you define it? Every time I asked myself this question, and even though I have failed to get an answer, it never affects what the thought of that one person makes me feel.

Then I think of all the fairy tale events, and I think of all the movies that I have seen; hoping that I might find something that would tell me what love is. But all that they show off are people eloping, and gazing into each other’s eyes, and holding hands and not saying a word, and the first kiss, and the first walk, and the first time they ever held each other and a lot of other things. I tell myself that it’s a lot of bull, and continue my search for something that would give me an answer to my question.

Meanwhile, no matter the people I see around me falling apart affects the thoughts of the single human being constantly in my head. But somehow, neither does watching “couples” get all intimate together. Every such act seems hollow and meaningless. Then I think, may be the world is right. May be the fairy tales are right. And may be the movies are right. May be THAT is what love actually is. If that is true, whatever I feel is so not love. I try to push the thought of that possibility away. I look for another explanation. May be a fantasy, or may be a simple attraction. It is not an uncommon event. People get attracted to each other all the time and later realize that it might have been the wrong decision. (Talk about failed marriages, love triangles and affairs.)

While all these thought seem to wax and wane in my search for my answer, one thought still remains unexplained. Why does a single sight of that one person make me feel on top of the world? How is it humanly to possible to think about nothing but that one smile for the entire day and feel it has been the best day ever? A single glance at a photograph, a single feel of that characteristic smile on that face, and a single “Hi” in that beautiful voice? Any one of these. And I fall in love all over again.

21: Growing and Dealing

We often don't realize it, but up to a recent point of time in life, we have been absconding from everything bitter around us. There are bitter truths, and harsh points which one must go through, but being humans, we try to avoid the pain, and try to get around it. The foolish part of this is, that we know deep within, that we wont get away with it, and will have to deal with later; but we manage to convince ourselves of the lie nevertheless.

Procrastinating never worked. It never will. Its hard to believe how stubborn we actually are and what lengths would we go to, to avoid pain. Always trying to take the easy way out, not wanting to deal with things. We underestimate and overestimate what we are capable of. We settle. We get carried away. We blame and we also take the blame. We feel sorry for ourselves and feel helpless. And all this, when none of the above is actually true.

21 years, they don't call it a benchmark just for the heck of it. We're expected to grow up. Growing up is not synonymous to responsibility or duty. But it is synonymous to surviving. We're leaving our homes, and going out into the world; to find our lives. It's that point of time from when onward we'd be alone for the rest of our lives. Sure, there would be a job, may be even a family. But what we have learnt about ourselves in all the years, will only remain with us. We'll have our problems. We'll be glad, we'll be sad; we'd be jubilant and we'd be miserable. It is up to us what we make of it. Do we have the strength to hold what we believe, or will we give away to the surrounding? Maybe its a little corny, but its something to do with courage. Can we break it? Or will it break us?

Step 1: Understand the problem. Stop running away. Don't live in denial.

Step2. Feel whatever you do about the problem. Anger, Contempt, Fear, Disgust, Joy, Sadness, Surprise.

Step 3: Accept the problem. Face it. Think of a solution. Bargain with the situation. Flip a coin, stare at the ceiling, get stoned, exercise; whatever stimulates your mind.

Step 4: Walk towards the solution. (Pretend it's cake walk. ;) )

Step 5: Relieve yourself. Solving problems of life is not easy, and we have the right to take a break. If the pressure becomes too much and the lid blows off, you'll lose control. Every now and then, breathe. Take off the pressure. Talk to someone. Distract yourself. Pick a hobby. Isolation isn't the key, no matter how much you may want it.

Step 6: Get back to the problem.

Step 7: Get over it.

Step 8: Pretend it never happened and Rejoice! :)

As the Great Joker once said- Why so serious?

Wolf in Sheep's Skin

I had recently written about there being 2 kinds of humans- people and sheep. I was wrong. I discovered a third type. A wolf in a sheep's skin.

Like a sheep, the wolf tries to hide its true identity. It tries to make others believe that it is also a sheep by behaving on the outside like a sheep. It pretends to be a sheep, tries to hide under obscurity. But the true nature of the wolf is more dangerous than anything. It is harmful both to the naive sheep and the thinking human.

Characteristics of a wolf in a sheep's skin:

1. Engaging into rebellious behavior considered unsuitable by the sheep.

2. Conforming to sheep behavior for self defense.

3. Blaming people and sheep for their wolf-y behavior.

All this makes me think that these stories do actually have some or the other analogy when you look for it in day to day transactions.

People and Sheep

Everyone grows up. Everyone has parents. And everyone's parents teach their kids certain lessons of life which according to psychologists is recorded in the child's brain for the rest of his/her life.

As we grow up, we never question those lessons, the "ethics", the "rules" which we were made to follow as kids. But why not?

The moment we fail to do so, we become sheep. We become followers of other's beliefs; Our parents, our teachers, our guardians, our family and all others that we ever encounter for our entire life. Because without question, day after day, without knowing the reason why, without thinking about anything as an individual with an open mind, we tend to blindly follow whatever was fed into us at a time when we were incapable; or in other words, during the decapacitated duration of our lives.

For instance, have we ever thought, why is it considered to be a good practice to touch elder's feet? Or most of us just do it because the family has been doing it for years.

Why have heavy breakfasts? Why work in the day and sleep at night? Why differentiate between genders while talking to them or seeing two of the opposite together? Why think in a certain way that everyone is thinking? Why cant humor be injected into the practices which have remained serious for so long? Why marry? Why study and then get jobs instead of getting jobs and then studying?

When we challenge that thought, that is when we become people. We refrain from being animals at the point when we refuse to follow blindly. But it requires us to question, and to challenge. We have to challenge everything that has been taught to us. No matter what it may be, as long as we have our reasons to believe it, we are people. Everything that we do or say or think, must have our own reasons to validate. Our beliefs. Not those which have been passed from generation to generation. Sure, genetic effects on the thought process will be there. But the thought is still independent and unique to the individual.

What was correct in the certain period of time, may not be true today. We should have been outdoors playing in our childhood according to what our parents and their parents did in their childhood. But if we do the same today, we're just likely to return with a sunburn. We pass on the same message to our kids, who knows they'll return alive or no?

Circumstances change, people change, trends change, and traditions must also change. The thought process must change. And we need to question, to challenge and create our OWN beliefs based on our OWN reasons to survive and make a life for ourselves. We will encounter situations in our life to which our traditions will have no answer to. We will need to reason then.

And if we behave like sheep... well, may be it'll be the dinosaur story all over again.

DRUMROLL!!!

One high moment, no external agents needed… simply existence.
The eyes flutter like butterflies before eventually shutting down, and the body seems to float as if on a cloud.
Breathing is difficult as if constrained by the surrounding emptiness.
The cause invigorates senses, which eventually lead into overpowering frenzied ecstasy.
A cold fear, gripped by the irrationality, uncertainty, and unpredictability of what shall happen the next moment.
An atmosphere which could send chills down the spine on sand dunes under the scorching overlooking sun.
Like a magnet, where an apparent attraction seems to repel the moment it gets too close.
Like the horizon, where dreams and reality seem to mingle, giving birth to the illusion that translation of dreams into something more real might actually be possible.
Where nothing is wrong and nothing is right, it is only the exhilarating existence that matters any more.
A moment when wonder, pure joy, guilt, responsibility, expectancy, sin, numbness, hesitancy and safety… together nascence something perfect which was seemingly inconceivable.

It is the ONE intense moment which renders the impossible existence of a being of insanity in heaven.

TOP 10 CHEEZIEST LINES!!!! :-D

10. I am worried about you.

What it actually means- I am worried if you are okay and I can still get that job done which I have been meaning to.

9. I care about you.

I care about whether you blurted out what we spoke about/did when you were all cracked up in your head. Coz if you did, you’re a goner. And if you didn’t, well, it better stay that way pal!

8. I love the way you smile.

What it actually means- You smile is so weird. I am yet to figure out why you call that facial expression a smile at all.

7. I will always be by your side.

What it actually means- I’ll be right there as long as you’re treating me to food, booze and cigarettes, not to mention giving me an ear to listen to all the extra important world saving shit that I must utter.

6. You are the best person I have ever met.

What it actually means- Yeah, you’re ok just till the sexy girl/cute guy comes along my way.

5. I dream about you.

What it actually means- I’m just saying this to strike up a topic. I’m bored.

4. You are the one for me.

I haven’t found anyone dumb enough to listen to all the shit I gotta say. You’ll do till I find someone better whom I can actually bear listening to.

3. We will always be together. We will never say goodbye to each other.

What it actually means- Shut your depressing talks up. I’m sick of you already.

2. I miss you.

What it actually means- You crossed my mind when I saw that object that you gave me. So I thought I’ll just make a generalized statement to make you happy.

1. 11. I love you.

Need anything really be said???!!!! :-D

Nostalgic...

Gone are those times when bunking classes was a huge deal, becoming the monitor of the class was something to take pride in, being the teacher’s pet was considered as an opportunity, chasing after friends for food in their Tiffin was a job to do, getting irritated when someone grabbed our usual luncheon spot, getting a pâté as a birthday treat was more than enough, and exams were something to be afraid of.

Gone are the days, when we used to practice for hours on end in the music room for the upcoming assembly, where we pulled each other’s legs for no reason at all and shut up as soon as the principal entered for fear of being heard, bunking class no matter what way, even if it meant spending 35 minutes in the bathroom, playing truth and dare, talking about sex as if was dirty, and when paying attention even while playing around in the class came naturally.

Practicing for hours for the inter-house dramas, visiting every class to collect names of participants for athletic events, juniors begging for their names to be put in an event because they too wanted to run, where stage fright was dreadful and even worse when you froze on stage, people who made fun if you talked to a member of the opposite gender, staring at the teachers as if they were aliens if we saw them in a departmental store or a mall, and so so so much more which is never to be seen again.

Gone are the times, when we took school for granted. Gone are the times when we knew we had to meet each other the next morning. Gone are the times when everyone was dressed in uniforms, so there was no question of deciding every morning what was to be worn that day. Gone are the moral science and the EVS classes. Gone are the chemistry lab experiments. Gone are the skeletons in the biology labs. Gone is the time.

All that is seen now, is exams on the head, assignments to be handed in, living with roommates, working nights out to complete the course, getting up groggy and going to class, going to the mess in night clothes to eat food and dumping yourself down anywhere, finishing the dreadful meal and going back to sleep.

Now we only miss ‘Those Days’ when we were little and dreamt of growing up. We miss those days, the tiny fights, and the little incidents. We never thought they would be half as important to us ever in future. The play practices, the volleyball matches, the sports day parade, the school fete. It all vanished in a jiffy and we never found out.
And now we only cry and long to have those moments back. We wish that there was just 1 more day, to stand height wise in the assembly line, and say the prayer with one eye open once again, sing the school song once again, have our not too polished shoes checked once again, and fiddle around with our diaries during the assembly once again….

Just one more day, where we could live and cherish what we long for now…. Today…. And will for the rest of our lives…

A Game… and my Illusion of its Reality

It all started with the expression of a form of art which is loved by all…

Understanding the meaning of that expression was one different category all together… a category of people that were not easily found…

Followed up by a discussion of an institution and the components that builds it up… It may sound useless, but it was this “discussion” that was required for an entrustment to open up…

And then came along the first support that was so badly required… the first support of many… It was not a shoulder to support and stand, neither a finger to hold… but a support which pushed without pushing to stand on your own…

Some personalization was all it took after that to build up a bond which would be held very close in the future…

Games of status messages, tests, friends and family simply continued to increase the strength of the bond… They saved a life and brought with flying colors through the bad and good times…

A fatherly figure… turning into a brother… a friend… eventually turning into someone who could just not be classified in any way possible… except for being a golf ball…

Little was known, that it was always a game… a game of illusions and emotions… an experiment with several control variables… each being a thread of the puppet…

Not that the intention behind the conversion of a human into a puppet was unethical or immoral… it was purely out of research interests to study stimulated responses…

But even a puppet does not like to be controlled… the aftermath was a strong urge to commit an ungodly act but that part of the tale comes later…

The consequent result was an addiction and dependency…

Whether the addiction and dependency is partial or full is not known… and probably will never be known…

But the one thing that there is to be known, is that exceptions do exist. No matter what kind of people have been encountered in the past, and no matter what kinds of behaviors and loyalty studied before, there can always be a new “discovery” which may even be termed as an exception to all the studies that have been conducted so far…

And this exception still has the puppeteer as a golf ball up in palms… In spite of the ongoing desire of the puppet to commit a sin by executing the master of all its actions… the golf ball is still held high up… and whether the sin stays committed or merely an urge forever, the fact that the puppeteer is a golf ball will never change…

One important fact of the entire tale that hasn’t been mentioned so far, is that in the entire duration which was reasonably long, at no point of time (until recently), did the exception realize the illusion that was created in the process… that is… “the bond”… The puppet actually believed of its existence, may be that is the reason it actually did get converted into a puppet in the first place… and when it strikes now, it is a fact difficult to digest.

Moral of the story: The puppeteer shall always be a puppeteer, and the puppet always a puppet… any dreams of the puppet to be something or anything more ever… shall have severe emotional consequences.

The Night Sky

I gaze at the cloudy sky at night. And I see the clouds passing by the moon. Whenever they allow, the moon seems to peek through the breaks between the clouds.... wanting to show it’s clarity, it’s sincerity.

The edges of the clouds are lightened as they pass by. They wave and they swirl away. Going with flow, the flow of the wind would be an appropriate term for them. Fearlessly just passing by. Above all of us. Nothing to tell them where to go. Nothing to tell them what to do. They sway and they float away, just as they would wish to. With their future undecided. For all they know, there just might come a sudden wind and blow them off in a completely unknown territory. A place where they had not been before, a place they’ll never come again. They need not feel the necessity to decide where to go, what do to, when to swirl, sway, whirl and float. They go wherever. They do whatever. Every moment is uncertain and full of excitement. For they are here one moment, the next they do not know of.

They seem like wisps of smoke I long to reach. But they wave and swirl away, telling me where I stand and the way I can never have them in the palm of my hand.

I long to be like them. Float and swirl away into a distant unknown land like them.

Where I might go, I do not know. And I do not want to know. All that I know is that I do not want to be caged where I am. No plans, no surety, an undecided future in an uncertain world.