All Over Again

I’ve seen a lot of people falling in love and falling out of it. They would meet up only to gather their differences before drifting apart once again. The meaning of love seems to fade away into the distance. I always wondered what love actually ever was. I even thought once, that I knew it. But every time I have questioned myself; what is it? What builds it? And what is it that gives it existence???? How do you define it? Every time I asked myself this question, and even though I have failed to get an answer, it never affects what the thought of that one person makes me feel.

Then I think of all the fairy tale events, and I think of all the movies that I have seen; hoping that I might find something that would tell me what love is. But all that they show off are people eloping, and gazing into each other’s eyes, and holding hands and not saying a word, and the first kiss, and the first walk, and the first time they ever held each other and a lot of other things. I tell myself that it’s a lot of bull, and continue my search for something that would give me an answer to my question.

Meanwhile, no matter the people I see around me falling apart affects the thoughts of the single human being constantly in my head. But somehow, neither does watching “couples” get all intimate together. Every such act seems hollow and meaningless. Then I think, may be the world is right. May be the fairy tales are right. And may be the movies are right. May be THAT is what love actually is. If that is true, whatever I feel is so not love. I try to push the thought of that possibility away. I look for another explanation. May be a fantasy, or may be a simple attraction. It is not an uncommon event. People get attracted to each other all the time and later realize that it might have been the wrong decision. (Talk about failed marriages, love triangles and affairs.)

While all these thought seem to wax and wane in my search for my answer, one thought still remains unexplained. Why does a single sight of that one person make me feel on top of the world? How is it humanly to possible to think about nothing but that one smile for the entire day and feel it has been the best day ever? A single glance at a photograph, a single feel of that characteristic smile on that face, and a single “Hi” in that beautiful voice? Any one of these. And I fall in love all over again.

21: Growing and Dealing

We often don't realize it, but up to a recent point of time in life, we have been absconding from everything bitter around us. There are bitter truths, and harsh points which one must go through, but being humans, we try to avoid the pain, and try to get around it. The foolish part of this is, that we know deep within, that we wont get away with it, and will have to deal with later; but we manage to convince ourselves of the lie nevertheless.

Procrastinating never worked. It never will. Its hard to believe how stubborn we actually are and what lengths would we go to, to avoid pain. Always trying to take the easy way out, not wanting to deal with things. We underestimate and overestimate what we are capable of. We settle. We get carried away. We blame and we also take the blame. We feel sorry for ourselves and feel helpless. And all this, when none of the above is actually true.

21 years, they don't call it a benchmark just for the heck of it. We're expected to grow up. Growing up is not synonymous to responsibility or duty. But it is synonymous to surviving. We're leaving our homes, and going out into the world; to find our lives. It's that point of time from when onward we'd be alone for the rest of our lives. Sure, there would be a job, may be even a family. But what we have learnt about ourselves in all the years, will only remain with us. We'll have our problems. We'll be glad, we'll be sad; we'd be jubilant and we'd be miserable. It is up to us what we make of it. Do we have the strength to hold what we believe, or will we give away to the surrounding? Maybe its a little corny, but its something to do with courage. Can we break it? Or will it break us?

Step 1: Understand the problem. Stop running away. Don't live in denial.

Step2. Feel whatever you do about the problem. Anger, Contempt, Fear, Disgust, Joy, Sadness, Surprise.

Step 3: Accept the problem. Face it. Think of a solution. Bargain with the situation. Flip a coin, stare at the ceiling, get stoned, exercise; whatever stimulates your mind.

Step 4: Walk towards the solution. (Pretend it's cake walk. ;) )

Step 5: Relieve yourself. Solving problems of life is not easy, and we have the right to take a break. If the pressure becomes too much and the lid blows off, you'll lose control. Every now and then, breathe. Take off the pressure. Talk to someone. Distract yourself. Pick a hobby. Isolation isn't the key, no matter how much you may want it.

Step 6: Get back to the problem.

Step 7: Get over it.

Step 8: Pretend it never happened and Rejoice! :)

As the Great Joker once said- Why so serious?

Wolf in Sheep's Skin

I had recently written about there being 2 kinds of humans- people and sheep. I was wrong. I discovered a third type. A wolf in a sheep's skin.

Like a sheep, the wolf tries to hide its true identity. It tries to make others believe that it is also a sheep by behaving on the outside like a sheep. It pretends to be a sheep, tries to hide under obscurity. But the true nature of the wolf is more dangerous than anything. It is harmful both to the naive sheep and the thinking human.

Characteristics of a wolf in a sheep's skin:

1. Engaging into rebellious behavior considered unsuitable by the sheep.

2. Conforming to sheep behavior for self defense.

3. Blaming people and sheep for their wolf-y behavior.

All this makes me think that these stories do actually have some or the other analogy when you look for it in day to day transactions.

People and Sheep

Everyone grows up. Everyone has parents. And everyone's parents teach their kids certain lessons of life which according to psychologists is recorded in the child's brain for the rest of his/her life.

As we grow up, we never question those lessons, the "ethics", the "rules" which we were made to follow as kids. But why not?

The moment we fail to do so, we become sheep. We become followers of other's beliefs; Our parents, our teachers, our guardians, our family and all others that we ever encounter for our entire life. Because without question, day after day, without knowing the reason why, without thinking about anything as an individual with an open mind, we tend to blindly follow whatever was fed into us at a time when we were incapable; or in other words, during the decapacitated duration of our lives.

For instance, have we ever thought, why is it considered to be a good practice to touch elder's feet? Or most of us just do it because the family has been doing it for years.

Why have heavy breakfasts? Why work in the day and sleep at night? Why differentiate between genders while talking to them or seeing two of the opposite together? Why think in a certain way that everyone is thinking? Why cant humor be injected into the practices which have remained serious for so long? Why marry? Why study and then get jobs instead of getting jobs and then studying?

When we challenge that thought, that is when we become people. We refrain from being animals at the point when we refuse to follow blindly. But it requires us to question, and to challenge. We have to challenge everything that has been taught to us. No matter what it may be, as long as we have our reasons to believe it, we are people. Everything that we do or say or think, must have our own reasons to validate. Our beliefs. Not those which have been passed from generation to generation. Sure, genetic effects on the thought process will be there. But the thought is still independent and unique to the individual.

What was correct in the certain period of time, may not be true today. We should have been outdoors playing in our childhood according to what our parents and their parents did in their childhood. But if we do the same today, we're just likely to return with a sunburn. We pass on the same message to our kids, who knows they'll return alive or no?

Circumstances change, people change, trends change, and traditions must also change. The thought process must change. And we need to question, to challenge and create our OWN beliefs based on our OWN reasons to survive and make a life for ourselves. We will encounter situations in our life to which our traditions will have no answer to. We will need to reason then.

And if we behave like sheep... well, may be it'll be the dinosaur story all over again.