Incapable of Love

Disclaimer: I'm not married. And I've dated a few people. And I have been considering the option of an arranged marriage. And I have a lot of friends who fall into almost every case mentioned below. So judge now, and then continue reading.

We want lightening internet, faster food, quicker results and prompt service. We are aware that there is so much to do that we haven't done, and we're aware of the short 24 hours that we have. Our spoilt habits of instant gratification, multi-tasking and growing ambitions keeps us dissatisfied and always hungry for more; applicable not just to our daily tasks but to our relationships as well.

While the world is crazy about dating and finding 'love', the number of people opting for arranged marriages is also increasing, evidenced by the fact that the matrimonial match-making business is increasingly thriving. Contradiction alert! I read an article recently: 10 Reasons why this generation is losing the ability to be in love.

1. We care more about instant gratification than we do anything else.
2. We've built a culture driven by drugs and booze.
3. We sleep around – a lot!
4. We're becoming even more egocentric.
5. We date for the sake of dating.
6. We aren't fans of making compromises.
7. We believe in fairytale endings.
8. We've been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.
9. We're goal driven, but often forget to include our partners in the mix.
10. Most of us are really bad at loving.

So, in a nutshell, we can't find love because we're looking for the perfect person without making the investment of time and compromises. Hence we fall back on the option of arranged marriages so that we don't have to die alone. But if we're not willing to make compromises with love, why would we be willing to make compromises with a married partner? The answer is that we probably won't! The excitement and butterflies-in-my-tummy feeling always dies out eventually. The difference is whether it will die out while you're still dating someone or once you are married to someone. In some magical circumstances, even after the initial charm has worn out, the bond still exists. In case of dating, if the families agree, they'd get married. In case of marriages, well, the families have already agreed. So everything is hunky-dory. But what about all the other cases when the charm has died out and there's no bond in sight?

We're looking at a lot of break ups and increasing number of divorces. Break up in a span of months. And divorces in under 5 years (only because you have to try to make the marriage work owing to social obligations). You have 'just friends', 'friends with benefits', 'friends after breaking up', 'just dating not serious', 'in a relationship on Facebook but haven't said I love you', and 'about to call it off' as though it was a spontaneous holiday you've decided against because you're too sleepy that morning. Then you have 'trial separations', 'distance marriages', 'open marriages', 'annulments' and 'divorces'.

In the next decade , there are going to be a lot of 25-37 year olds bouncing around looking for stability wondering where they went wrong; some already with kids and some paying alimony; and some who's dating record will resemble Phoebe's and some with 3 divorces under their belts like Ross. Some like Charlotte saying "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" And some like Barney who'll finally realize that he wants what Marshall and Lily have.

But like every situation, this has it's pros and cons. You know how after a bad break-up, all you want is your friends and family to fall back on? How they're always there for you despite watching you make the same mistake over and over? How they're fed up of you being stupid but love you for and despite all of it? Every messed up relationship only takes you closer to them. And there's nothing that a " 'I love you guys!', and 'Awww, we love you too!' after a few tequila shots" or a " 'Thanks a being there man' and 'Yeah, whatever.' after a few beers" doesn't solve.

Idols are people!

A large number of people in the world ranging from the Dalai Lama to a number of celebrities are looked up to, admired and often revered. We, who idolize them usually defend anything they might say against those who tend to malign them. The entire process of maligning and defending can be seen prominently across Twitter (amongst the Twitterati) and television journalism on an everyday basis. However, every so often, one of our idols makes a statement that does not go down with us very well thus giving birth to feeling of betrayal since "How dare they say that?"

Most of us have to make conscious and rather failed attempts to put a filter between our minds and mouths. Thankfully we don't have people recording every statement of ours. If those statements came out in public, we would probably embarrass ourselves to isolation for the rest of our lives. But our hypocritical inner self wants to exempt our idols from the same.

The subjective approach worsens the number of such incidents when we fail to give leeway that said things may be spoken in jest or quoted out of context. I myself have been guilty of that recently when I came to know about the jovial tendencies of a certain man I admire by the people who had actually met him. None of us are naive enough to believe every word quoted or reported by the paparazzi. We know better. We know how they twist and turn and cut and quote in an attempt to create headlines. We are victims of it while being guilty of doing the same on platforms that are accessible to us.

It's increasingly necessary to understand and accept that those who have the power to reach out to a larger number of people than we do are humans. They eat and drink and poop and scratch themselves much the same way that we do. After putting them on a pedestal, we not just want to revere them, but we also expect them to voice that which goes on in our heads. Some of these may be elected officials while some may have been put up there owing to the nature of their career or by their very birth within a certain family. Some have chosen to be there. But whatever have been the method, it does not negate the fact that they are still regular humans like us. Some of them have fancy PRs and speeches written out for them which could curb the damage done by their 'out of line' statements but a large enough number does have the same perks.

They might be on a pedestal but nobody's perfect.

I got a boo boo!

Chopping tomatoes this morning for breakfast, I sliced my finger with the knife. Sucking on the finger to stop the blood flow, I went to my mother, who was busy working on a presentation. "hmmmmm.... mmmmm....." I said, trying to grab her attention. She said without turning around,"What happened? Need help?"

"Hmmmmmm.... mmmmm... I said.", trying to grab her attention; but she wouldn't turn around.

"I cut my finger." is all I had to mumble when she turned around, immediately muttering under her breath,"Must have been using that sharp knife. I've already cut my finger on that twice. Why aren't you careful. How bad is it. I hope you don't need stitches......" without stopping for breath or an answer.

I just looked at her as I stuck out my finger and she wiped it with a piece of cotton soaked with Dettol, held it together till the bleeding stopped, and bandaged it after. I looked at her and pouted and she kissed the bandaged.

I've cut myself in the kitchen before; on innumerous occasions when Mom wasn't around. And I have been more than capable of cleaning up and bandaging myself. But I'm the Grown-Up-Independent girl on those occasions. And when Mom is around, I'm 5 years old again. When she's around, I need her to bandage my wounds, to wipe my tears and to pat my head to sleep!

When she's around, I can fuss over every paper cut; because when I'm by myself, it's a scratch, but when I'm with her, I got a boo boo!

Where is my Identity?

The increasing religious and racial radicalism is surprisingly omnipresent. USA has underlying racism against African Americans and people in Turbans or Burkas. Australia closely follows the same lines. And in India, every religion seems to have a pact with every other religion for promised hatred, a policy of zero tolerance, and a if-you're-not-with-us-you're-against-us psyche. With the intolerance taking on an increasingly violent streak by the day (on a scale of go-back-where-you-came-from to IS), what is the solution for peaceful co-existence? Succumbing to their radical and political agendas would ensure that countries currently identified by their geographic location or names would be identified as a house for one religion, and one religion alone.

People in the United States have declared on more than one occasion that they are a Christian nation and that's how it should be. The outpouring support for Kim Davis indicates much the same. People in Iraq have declared that it is a Muslim nation. The IS extorting special taxes from Christians living in the state under the pretext of doing do on the commands of the Koran has no other denotation. And people in India have declared on more than one occasion that India is to be a Hindu state where any other religion and any non-regional languages are to be opposed for the fear that "Westernization" may cause "Cultural Pollution" which will eventually require "Cultural Purification". However, the grounds on which the term 'Cultural Pollution' has been coined screams hypocrisy. Those who oppose English-medium education very willingly learnt Hindi when their regional languages were not sufficient to survive. Those who are opposing the meat ban during the Jain festival never protested the permanent ban on beef; the government dictating the kitchens of a common man in both scenarios.

The IS propagates that no Muslim has the right to question the word of Allah or that of his followers. Doing so is committing apostasy punishable by death. Radical Hinduism seems not too far away with the Kalburgi death and the Bhagwan death threat.

This severe animosity is springing from deep rooted insecurities. For centuries, the whole identity of a frighteningly large number of people has lied in their 'culture', limited to their religion, language, geographic location, clothing and a few others as opposed to intellectual identities. With time, Globalization has performed the role of a bag of scrabble tiles. While a small world is welcome to some, the others fear for the safety of their own thoughts. The small percentage for whom identity is a function of their intellectual potential, are like a breath of fresh air in the middle of a busy Delhi street in June, but David and Goliath was just a story when the context is 21^st century violence.

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

I'm sorry Mr. Tagore. Father didn't hear you.

A Harry Potter Moment

The monsoon is here. I'm sitting in my room looking out of the window and I can see the dark clouds creeping over the entire campus. They move swiftly. Every white and black cloud is clearly visible. It encroaches upon the sky but a clear line is still visible marking the beginning of these clouds. and the clear sky is still visible beyond it.

With years of "knowing", we know that this is no new sight. We know that this happens every year, and that it would start pouring down very soon, and the pathways will be clogged with water, and we'll feel like taking a walk in the rain or may be even just keep looking out of the window looking at the drops on a background of hopeful greenry with a cup of hot coffee in our hands.

But having seen the Harry Potter 7-2 recently, I cant help but think about the moments when the Dark Mark of Voldemort is cast over the skies of Hogwarts. Or even when the Dementers are approaching a certain place, their arrival preceded by the very same cold clammy weather with dark moroseful clouds in the sky.

These clouds have several interpretations. They bring back memories, create memories, make us feel wonderful at times, and melancholy at others. But most important of all, they cast magic on everything they touch.

और कितना चलना है बाकि

एक अजब सी मिटटी

एक अजब चेहरा

कुछ दोस्ताना व्यक्तित्व

कुछ भयानक

एक दबी सी आस लेके हम सब चले जाते हैं

राहें मिलती और जुदा होती जाती हैं

अनगिनत सवाल होते हैं मन में

कुछ क उत्तर मिल जाते हैं

और कुछ साँझ के जैसे ही ढल जाते हैं

किन्तु एक प्रश्न जो मानो पत्थर की लकीर की तरह

कभी सताता है तो कभी नहीं

कभी जवाब मांगता है तो कभी नहीं

इतना कुछ कर लिया

इतना कुछ हो गया

इतनों से मिल लिए

इतनों को खो दिया

सवेरे की साँझ हो गयी

फिर चांदनी भी किरणों में खो गयी

कुछ ख्वाब मालूम हैं ख्वाब ही रह जायेंगे

कुछ को पूरा करते करते हम खुद ही खुद का ख्वाब बन जायेंगे

और कितनी दूर है मंज़िल

क्या देखना है बाकी

कितनी दूर है साथ इस राह का

और कितना चलना है बाकि?

The List that everyone keeps

Every person in the world keeps in a list with them from the day they step into the world. The doctor who delivers you is on the list, the nurse, then your mother, your father, your family and as you grow up, a large many number of people around you.

The list is extremely dynamic and undergoes change constantly subjected to a total of four activities

Whenever a new name is encountered, it is added to list.
As a name becomes more important, its place in the list rises up and others around it goes down.
Some names just fade away.

The most interesting ones are the few names which we cross and hatch so hard, that it is impossible to make out the name, but we never erase them. Because every single time we look at that name, we remember the mistakes that we had committed in the past and it reminds us of what to do and what not to do for the rest of our lives.