Incapable of Love

Disclaimer: I'm not married. And I've dated a few people. And I have been considering the option of an arranged marriage. And I have a lot of friends who fall into almost every case mentioned below. So judge now, and then continue reading.

We want lightening internet, faster food, quicker results and prompt service. We are aware that there is so much to do that we haven't done, and we're aware of the short 24 hours that we have. Our spoilt habits of instant gratification, multi-tasking and growing ambitions keeps us dissatisfied and always hungry for more; applicable not just to our daily tasks but to our relationships as well.

While the world is crazy about dating and finding 'love', the number of people opting for arranged marriages is also increasing, evidenced by the fact that the matrimonial match-making business is increasingly thriving. Contradiction alert! I read an article recently: 10 Reasons why this generation is losing the ability to be in love.

1. We care more about instant gratification than we do anything else.
2. We've built a culture driven by drugs and booze.
3. We sleep around – a lot!
4. We're becoming even more egocentric.
5. We date for the sake of dating.
6. We aren't fans of making compromises.
7. We believe in fairytale endings.
8. We've been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.
9. We're goal driven, but often forget to include our partners in the mix.
10. Most of us are really bad at loving.

So, in a nutshell, we can't find love because we're looking for the perfect person without making the investment of time and compromises. Hence we fall back on the option of arranged marriages so that we don't have to die alone. But if we're not willing to make compromises with love, why would we be willing to make compromises with a married partner? The answer is that we probably won't! The excitement and butterflies-in-my-tummy feeling always dies out eventually. The difference is whether it will die out while you're still dating someone or once you are married to someone. In some magical circumstances, even after the initial charm has worn out, the bond still exists. In case of dating, if the families agree, they'd get married. In case of marriages, well, the families have already agreed. So everything is hunky-dory. But what about all the other cases when the charm has died out and there's no bond in sight?

We're looking at a lot of break ups and increasing number of divorces. Break up in a span of months. And divorces in under 5 years (only because you have to try to make the marriage work owing to social obligations). You have 'just friends', 'friends with benefits', 'friends after breaking up', 'just dating not serious', 'in a relationship on Facebook but haven't said I love you', and 'about to call it off' as though it was a spontaneous holiday you've decided against because you're too sleepy that morning. Then you have 'trial separations', 'distance marriages', 'open marriages', 'annulments' and 'divorces'.

In the next decade , there are going to be a lot of 25-37 year olds bouncing around looking for stability wondering where they went wrong; some already with kids and some paying alimony; and some who's dating record will resemble Phoebe's and some with 3 divorces under their belts like Ross. Some like Charlotte saying "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" And some like Barney who'll finally realize that he wants what Marshall and Lily have.

But like every situation, this has it's pros and cons. You know how after a bad break-up, all you want is your friends and family to fall back on? How they're always there for you despite watching you make the same mistake over and over? How they're fed up of you being stupid but love you for and despite all of it? Every messed up relationship only takes you closer to them. And there's nothing that a " 'I love you guys!', and 'Awww, we love you too!' after a few tequila shots" or a " 'Thanks a being there man' and 'Yeah, whatever.' after a few beers" doesn't solve.